I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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