Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
