this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Holy sore nipples Batman
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
