I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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