Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
