rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
