i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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