that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
