u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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