What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
