Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just threw up on my dentist
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
