Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
