i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
