dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
