apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
