I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
