We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
