Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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