Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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