She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
