I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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