At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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