I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
