I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
