You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
