He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
