My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
