Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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