First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
