tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
