do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
