there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
