She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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