why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
