What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
not ubering you a puppy
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
