I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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