Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
