I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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