I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
