some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
