her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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