dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
