i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
