What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
