just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
