so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
