hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
