naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
