Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
