I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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