it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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