where does the pee come out of this thing
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
