I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
