Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
