wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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