I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
